I didn't just want to make another "what I'm thankful for this year" post just because it was Thanksgiving so I held off a bit. But as I pondered what I wanted to write about I realized I do want to share what I'm thankful for.
I struggle a lot you see; doubt, fear, anger, depression, anxiety. I try and keep one foot in front of the other but I look around me all the time, at the wind and waves and it terrifies me and I lose sight of what God is doing and I start to sink. I cry out to Him and He always lifts me up but as I continue to struggle on sometimes I wonder if the storm will ever be over. Gently the Spirit whispers what do you have? Not, what do you NOT have? What do I have to be thankful for? Oh so much.
Salvation, my relationship with Christ.
A wonderful and caring husband. I pause here because I want to tell you a little bit about my partner and my best friend. He's not perfect, no and sometimes I really get upset with him, but OH the blessing of having him in my life. My companion who is never grossed out by me or my problems. I have sat trembling, naked, drugged with 3 or more tubes coming out of my body dragging around containers of fluid, caked with blood and mucus, crying and in pain and he has patiently and tenderly cleaned me up and kissed me. He prays for me and is patient with me. He knows just how to make me laugh and sometimes he can even read my mind. Those vows we took together, we have seen more worse than better, much more poverty than riches and much much more sickness than health and he's never complained. Thank you God, for Shon.
My family. My parents, my brother and my in-laws. They have all sacrificed for me and I can't even begin to repay them or show my gratitude enough.
My friends, my dear friends who have stood by me and listened when I needed to talk, who visited me when I was sick and who cheered me up when I was sad.
My doctors. Oh how thankful I am to be within an hour of the Cleveland Clinic. When people spend their life-savings to go to this hospital and see the same doctors that I can see. They're not just the best at what they do they genuinely care for me. They are kind and compassionate, they can make me laugh and they do they're best to help me. That God brought us here when I never even thought I'd want to live in Ohio.
My k-pouch. I'm so thankful for my k-pouch. Despite everything I went through to get it and any other problems I might have as a result of all my surgeries I would do it all again in an instant. It's important that I remind myself of this because I AM having other problems now that may very well be a result of so much surgery. Its hard too because webmd just can't help me and my regular doctors are so befuddled by my anatomical abnormalities they don't know where to begin. I may be heading back to the CC soon so please pray for me.
Its too easy to lose sight of the good things, easy to forget the things that I have and mourn the things that I don't have. To wish for more money, better health, nicer things, a better job. But I'm trying to be thankful every day, because everything I have is a gift from God.
I hope you're thankful too.
