3 years and counting...

Well I made it to the 3 year mark!
And I'll admit, when I decided to go ahead and have this surgery I prayed that it last me 2 years. I figured 2 years will make it worth it. And here I am 3 years and going strong. Truly a blessing from God.
And I am really grateful, most of the time and some days (to my shame) not so much.
Because well, no 2 ways about it, the bottom line is that you stick a tube into your belly to go to the bathroom. Its not always easy and plenty of times its inconvenient. Sometimes its frustrating and sometimes it makes me sore.

I get annoyed with what I can't really eat. I get frustrated by how it seems like no matter how much I chew stuff up it causes me problems. And there's nothing quite like running a little late for work in the morning and discovering that what you thought would take 3-4 minutes is taking 10-15 because you're trying to suck blended veggies through a straw and this one piece of tomato is plugging up the hole. So you pull the cath out only to discover its not this huge chuck but rather 2 small pieces that got wedged together. HOW CAN I CHEW IT ANY SMALLER THAN THAT?!?!!?!?! *sigh*

I find I'm a lot less grateful when I compare myself to those of you who still have a colon and a lot MORE grateful when I think of all the poor souls out there with UC or Crohns who still go to the bathroom 12 times a day on a good day. Or when I think back to my awful fistula days and how much pain I was always in and how awful I felt and embarrassed I was all the time. A few moments of remembrance of that makes me well-up with gratitude!

I'm also off all my chrons meds now and only get a scope once a year. I haven't been hospitalized in 3 years and that is truly something to be grateful for.