I don't want my life to be defined by poop

I realize that sounds a bit ridiculous but I feel like its something that I have continuously decide every day. Some days I don't care, I feel fine and nothing about the ileostomy or fistula is bugging me and I feel fairly normal. Other days..... Well, other days output hurts my stoma or the fistula is really active and making me miserable or I just look down at my ileostomy and hate it. And its hurtful when I tell people I may have to have a permanent ilestomy and they act like its no big deal. After all they had a friend or cousin who has one and he's doing just great. Sure, he's relatively healthy and adjusting but what has he gone through to get to where he's at?

I'm talking amputation here. No, I'm not losing my arm or leg but I am losing my rectum and its going to change my life forever. Its going to change what I see when I look in the mirror, the clothes I wear, the way that I do things. Please don't minimize my pain by acting like its not life-altering.

People tell me its not going to change who I am. I think that's misleading. Your experiences always change you. For better or for worse you are altered by what you go through. Its not the ileostomy itself that changes who I am but the things I went through before I got it, the surgery, hospital stay and recovery afterwards, the learning to live with it, the people I've met along the way.....

My life is going to change forever, the real question is how? Am I going to let the fact that I poop different from everyone else define me? I don't want it to. I want my experience to help me be more sensitive to the sufferings of others. I want to be able to help other young people and families facing life-altering surgery because I've gone through it. I hope that I can stand out from other patients to my doctors and nurses because I have hope and a will to survive it and not be bitter despite whats happened to me at my age.

Please pray for me. Pray that God will help me to accept the path that He has for me, that I will rely on Him for the strength I need to endure what I have to endure. Its a long hard road of recovery ahead of me both physically, emotionally and spiritually, and I don't want my life to be defined by poop.