But you don't look sick

I've heard it enough, and for those people who don't say it I can see it in your face.

Its a blessing though, really, to have a disease where the symptoms are so personal I can hide them from the world. Because with crohns disease unless your emaciated because you can't get the nutrition you need, really you look fine. Most people wouldn't notice that you visit the bathroom 8 + times a day. They don't see the blood in the toilet. Don't know how much everything you eat affects you. Don't know how many and what kind of medications you're on and the side effects you deal with. Don't know what its like to have constant perianal drainage. And I have an ileostomy now so my symptoms are minimized.

Unfortunately though looks don't change facts. And this fistula is like my achillies heel. It seems so ridiculous to me sometimes that something so small could cause such problems, could be so difficult to fix - and in my case, unfixable. One thing is for sure and that is I can't continue on indefintely like I have been. Its one thing to deal with the draining when you think its temporary and the doctors will be able to end it. But I saw my surgeon and he's said there is nothing more he can do for me and he even had me get a 2nd opinion for the chief of colorectal surgery who said the same thing. He said its time to accept that we cannot fix this and move on with my life. So I'm headed back for more major abdominal surgery in May to have my j-pouch removed.

But you don't look sick! --- I'll take that as a compliment.