Five year veteran

I really can't believe my k-pouch five year birthday is here - what an amazing answer to prayer!
Honestly, I decided going into this surgery, if it lasts me three years, then it will be worth it.  Here I am cruising past five though and doing great.  I'm saying the rock issue doesn't count!

Another big milestone for me though is finishing nursing school - I graduate next month!
If you had said to me five years ago that I would do that, I would have told you that you were out of your mind.  Check yourself into the Psych ward of the local hospital because there is NO WAY.  Because just visiting the hospital was awful and I couldn't even imagine working in one.
Then slowly, slowly the idea germinated in my brain and one day I thought ' maybe I COULD be a nurse...'

When I first started my clinicals just the smell of the hospital would make me nauseated.  So many times I thought "God I can't do this without you!"  And of course the best part is, I didn't have to.  Facing down all fears: smells, sights, sounds, has been pretty intense.  But I don't feel intimidated by that place any more.  Amazing how God has affected this change in me.

Not that I don't struggle with stuff... cause I do.
Living with a k-pouch has been good but its a challenge to me.  I don't think about it all the time, but some days its a pain.  Like days when I eat too many fruits or veggies.  Days where I'm traveling.  Days I spend all day at the hospital and school for class and clinicals - I think 'should I eat? How much? Where will I empty?'
I HATE emptying in public, so I avoid it if I can.  And I don't think everyone who has a k-pouch has this issue, but I have a bit of anxiety about it.  Its easier if I can find a private bathroom, then it doesn't bug me as much, but being in a stall and trying to empty standing up while not getting any of the splash-factor on me, and trying to figure out where to put my stuff... cause its not like your average toilet stall has a wealth of places to put things. Sometimes its hard - hard to be different, hard to think about every single thing that goes into my mouth...

So there's some stuff I"m not crazy about but I'm just so so so SO glad not to have an ileostomy.
And, despite all the crap I've been through I feel really really grateful to have it.
So I'm celebrating my FIVE year-old k-pouch.
Happy Birthday