Not a tame Lion

Well I'm sure that doesn't make sense to some of you but to me, it makes a lot of sense to me. I'll explain.

Really, it all goes back to the fact that I need surgery, again. And this will be my fourth major abdominal surgery and perhaps you're wondering why? After all, I don't look sick, don't act sick. How can a non-sick person need surgery? Well, I'll expound on that in another post but suffice it to say right now that just because I'm not "sick" doesn't mean I don't have serious problems that need addressing, and sometimes the best time to have surgery is before you're sick. But on to the Lion factor.

So for the last year and a half I've been dealing with the fact that I have big intestinal issues again and I'm in the hospital again and having surgery again and I'm looking at a future where I'll be even more different than every girl my age again. And I'm getting the total gamut of reactions, some people making like its no big deal, get over it. Some tell me I need to pray more for healing and have faith. Some people telling me I need to explore alternative therapies, some people telling me that I need to have a total natural and organic diet, some people telling me that God is trying to teach me something, some people telling me its just the way life goes, some people telling me sickness is not a part of God's plan. None of this helps me, and quite a bit of it actually hurts.

And I've been struggling with this so much and contrary to those people that think I either A - choose to be ill, or B - blow my medical problems out of proportion (neither of which is true) I HATE that this has happened to me. I hate it, and I would do anything in my power for it not to happen. But its not in my power. And no diet or positive thoughts, holistic medicine or even ignoring it is going to change anything. See, I think this is God's plan for me.

Step back! Is she crazy? God doesn't plan for stuff like this to happen to people, lets face it there is sickness in the world and when it strikes someone sometimes God intervenes and sometimes He doesn't, but he doesn't plan it into their lives. Are you sure? I'm not. I don't see God as someone who reacts, I see Him as someone who ACTS. I've been reading this book by Joni Earekson Tada called "When God Weeps" about dealing with suffering, and its really nailed down and clarified some things I've been pondering in my head and heart. It deals with all the tough stuff, you know like "If God is a God of Love why is there suffering on the earth?" But the most interesting thing about it is there is no apology for the actions and words of God in the Bible. Its clear that He acts deliberately and with purpose all the time. Remember Joseph? Spent like 15 years in prison? Talk about suffering. You think God just worked around those nasty brothers of Joseph or did He PLAN it? Do you think God just let stuff happen to Paul (beatings, shipwreck, personal illness) or did he plan it? Did God just allow Joni to hit her head on that dock and break her neck or did he plan it? Do you think Christian martyrs deaths are just an unfortunate circumstance of the time and God just chose not to act, or was it part of the plan?

See I don't think stuff happens and God thinks 'well I guess I'll just work around this' I think He has a plan for everyone and its pretty clear for me His plan involves me spending an enormous amount of time in the hospital. It involves me going through many painful and embarrassing procedures, getting stuck with a needle more times than I can count and having multiple major surgeries. Don't like that thought? Me neither. But I can accept that there's a lot more at stake than my personal comfort. I'm getting to the Lion part.

Did you see or read "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" by C.S. Lewis? There is an excellent illustration of God here, don't miss it. The Pevensie kids are at the Beaver's house and they're talking about Aslan the Lion and they're looking forward to his return. Lucy asks "A lion? Are you sure he's quite safe?" "Safe?" Mr Beaver replies "Safe? Didn't you just hear me? He's a lion, of course he's not safe. But, he's the King I tell you, and He's good."

So yes, I think God planned for this to happen to me specifically, and that doesn't really make me happy but it is something I can accept. And I may never know why, I actually believe I'll be lucky if I get to see some good comes of it in my lifetime. I may never know who's path I crossed, never know what people I made a difference to. And I'm not saying that I'm this stoic sufferer either because there's plenty of times I've been angry at God about this, and I'm sure there are more days in front of me. But if God can use my illness for His glory then I just hope I'm a good tool. So if you do pray for me, pray that I'm a willing instrument and that God will use me for His glory.

Maybe God is not "safe" but He's the King I tell you, and He's good.