So my 4 year k-pouch birthday is right around the corner... May 11.
My parents are coming up for a visit the week before and my mom will be here for Mother's Day. The last time we spent Mother's Day together I was 2 days post-op.
When I think about it, I kinda want to cry.
Cry because I've been through so much and my mom (dad too) have always been there for me. And cry because I'm so happy to be so healthy and doing so well.
I have a lot to be thankful for, and I know it. Some days I know it more than other days.
I always send a 'thank-you' email to Dr Remzi, you know, thanks for taking a chance on me, thanks for caring about me... I vaguely wonder if it annoys him, but its only once a year ;)
I realized a few days ago that sometime in the last year I became really comfortable with my k-pouch. I mean, it probably took me a good year to just get used to it but now... now its like not really a big deal to me any more. And I think I figured it all out over a combination of things. In school we were learning about and watched a short video clip (Patient perspective) on Continuous Ambulatory Peritoneal Dialysis. And I was sitting there thinking 'wow, its amazing what people can get used to, how you can have your life turned upside down and just make a new normal for yourself and be OK'. Hello..... you stick a catheter in your belly several times a day to go to the bathroom. Oh yeah....that was definitely life changing
And I don't dream about going to the bathroom normally anymore. I should probably preface that by saying that when I had my j-pouch I had toilet dreams all the time. All the time all the time. Now I rarely dream about it, maybe a once or twice a year, and mostly I have my k-pouch. Of course, in my dreams I'm always terrified that someone catches me emptying and thinks I'm a freak,but C'est la vie.
I don't think of myself as a patient anymore. I'm not on any meds and I'm on only yearly pouch scopes now. I don't see the GI or the surgeon every other month and I haven't had blood drawn in over a year (AMAZING). Now I'm a nursing student and I help other patients get well, I help them get out of bed after surgery and I can say with true compassion "I know its hard."
And its really awesome not to be the one lying in the hospital bed.
3 comments:
Hello,
I am a patient of Dr. Remzi's going through a similar situation. I just had the gracilis flap repair in January and we are waiting to make sure it is a success. I would love to email you privately and ask you some questions. Is there a link to your email?
If you visit www.jpouch.org you can private message me my name there is kaydbird. I can send you my email address from there but I'm not going to post it here :)
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